Madammens tulletråd

[Gjest Madam Felle]

Stemmerett har vi alle,

så fremt vi står i manntallet

Hvorfor ikke kvinnetallet? Jeg bare spør.

Når det er flest av oss, i dag som før.

En mannsalder er noe som fenger.

Skjønt det er bevist at kvinnen lever lenger.

Vi sier også i manns minne.

Hva er i veien med hukommelsen til en kvinne?

Vi sier mor Norge og fedreland,

så der kan vi gå hand i hand.

Men vi går i fedrenes spor -

Var der ingen spor etter alle menns mor?

Vi kommer i grevens tid -

Grevinnens tid er kanskje forbi?

Vi spiser et herremåltid.

Om kokka er kvinne har intet å si.

Hos dyrene går det også igjen,

den samme diskrimineringen:

Å være stolt som en hane er ikke så galt,

Men å bli kalt for en høne, det er fatalt

Hva lyder verst, syns du,

Å være olm som en stut eller dum som ei ku?

En arbeidsgamp intet skjellsord er -

Det er verre å bli kalt for ei gammal merr.

Er du ung og litt av en type,

blir du kalt for ei lekker rype

Men når du blir eldre er det ikke gøy,

å bli kalt for ei gammal røy

Flere byer i Norges land

har fått navn etter en mann.

Kristiansand og Kristiansund.

Den ene kunne blitt kalt Kristinelund

Farsund er oppkalt etter han far,

Og Mandal etter en annen kar.

Trond fra Trondheim er dessverre

for meg en aldeles ukjent herre.

Kongsvinger og Kongsberg, det sier seg selv.

At vi døper om Kongsberg til Dronningfjell.

Og Fredrikstad døper vi om på ny,

Og kaller den for Åseby

Ikke en by er kalt opp etter oss.

Hvis vi ikke skal regne med HØNEFOSS

[Gjest Madam Felle]

HVORDAN BLI OPPFATTET SOM GAL???

1: Pakk alle tingene dine i en koffert og forklar at du reiser bort en

stund for "a finne deg selv". Ga ut av dora og kom tilbake etter 10 minutter. Forklar at du var "lett a finne".

2: Anklag personer som gar bak deg for spionasje.

3: Rist brod til frokost hver dag uten a sette inn kontakten. Spis

brodet mens du klager over brodristeren som "ikke vet hva den driver med". Hvis noen foreslar a sette i kontakten: Mumle noe om brannfare...

4: Hvis noen ser pa deg, sperr opp oynene og hves: "Jeg er forkledd!"

5: Hyl "na er helvete los" hver gang telefonen ringer.

6: Bruk briller med tjukke glass. Pasta at du ikke ser NOEN ting. Stot

borti veggen, velt stoler og snuble i matta. Nar du ikke har brillene pa

later du som om du ser helt fint.

7: Smil. Hele tiden!

8: ...unntatt nar noen sier noe morsomt.

9: Ommobler stua hver dag. Lat som om du ikke kjenner deg igjen nar du

har besok.

10: Insister pa at vennene dine bruker bade fornavn og etternavn nar

de snakker til deg.

11: Spyl alltid toalettet tre ganger. Tell hoyt.

12: Nar det ringer pa dora, ta telefonen. Nar telefonen ringer, apne

dora. Etterpa mumler du noe om at "Scully og Mulder burde vert her".

13: Lag voldsomme spastiske bevegelser na og da. Hvis noen papeker

det, si at du ikke aner hva de snakker om.

14: Nar du er pa restaurant: Spor kelneren om de har noe levende mat.

15: Dra fram et munnspill og spill blues nar vennene dine snakker om

seg selv.

16: Uansett hva en samtale dreier seg om, trekk paralleller til

suspekte religiose sekter.

17: Flekk tenner og knurr nar noen snakker til deg.

18: Ta pa horselvern. Be folk om a snakke hoyere, overse enhver

bemerkning om a ta de av.

19: Still deg ved et lyskryss. Nar det blir gront skriker du

"aaargh,oynene mine!"

20: Gurgle kaffen din.

21: Nar du kommer inn i et rom hvor radioen er paslatt, fall ned pa

kne mens du jamrer "det er STEMMEN igjen!"

22: Fall ned trapper med vilje.

23: Utbryt til stadighet: "Horte DU det?" mens du setter opp en

forferdet mine.

24: Rop "Bø" sa høyt du klarer. Lat som du blir veldig skremt selv.

25: Om du har glassoye, sla lii pa det av og til med en penn nar du

snakker med andre.

26: Pip nar du rygger.

27: Tut og vink til fremmede.

28: Stift sammen papir pa midten.

29: Spor folk hvilket kjonn de er!

30: Tren pa a lyde som et modem.

31: Syng med pa operaen

32: Vis at en samtale er over ved a holde deg over orene.

33: Utforsk offentlig hvor sakte du kan gjore kvele-lyder.

34: Kjop mange rode trafikkoner og led trafikken bort fra hovedveien.

35: Si aldri "Ha det!" eller "Vi snakkes!". Si alltid "God bedring!".

36: Send dette som e-mail til alle du har e-mailadresse til, selv om

de har sendt det til deg eller bedt deg ikke sende slikt.

37: Kjope ny Ferrari og melde deg inn i Sportsvognklubben.

[Gjest Madam Felle]

En perfekt dag for henne:

08:15 Våkne til kyss og klem + + +

08:30 Veier 1 kilo mindre enn i går

08:45 Frokost på senga, ristet loff og nypresset juice

09:15 Et varmt boblebad med eteriske oljer

10:00 Lett morgentrim på S.A.T.S. med en vittig og pen instruktør

10:30 Hudpleie, manikyr og hårbehandling

12:00 Lunsj med bestevenninnen på byens beste resturant

13:00 Oppdage at den nye flammen til eks'en har lagt på seg

15:00 Ettermiddagslur

16:00 Tre dusin roser levert på døra med et kort fra en hemmelig beundrer

16:15 Massasje og fotpleie

17:30 Fundere på antrekk til kveldens middagsavtale

19:30 Romantisk middag med stearinlys etterfulgt av dans

22:00 En varm dusj (alene)

22:30 Øm og lidenskapelig elskov

23:00 Småprat, kjæling og ømme kyss

23:15 Falle i søvn i hans store, sterke armer

En perfekt dag for han:

06:00 Vekkerklokka ringer

06:15 En rask avsuging

06:30 Sportssidene i VG

07:00 Frokost bestående av eggerøre, bacon, ristet loff og kaffe

07:30 Privatsjåføren kjører frem limousinen

07:45 En Bloody Mary på turen ut til flyplassen

08:15 Privatfly til Nice

09:30 Limousin til Monte Carlo Golfclub

11:30 Hole in one

11:45 Et dusin østers og tre Heineken til lunsj

12:45 En rask avsuging

13:00 En svømmetur etterfulgt av massasje

14:30 Fisketur på Middelhavet med kvinnelig (topless) mannskap

15:15 Setter verdensrekord med tunfisk tatt med stang

15:30 En liten ettermiddagslur

17:00 Privatfly hjem, med intimmassasje av en klissnaken Leeann Tweeden

18:45 Tømme ryggen, dusj og barbering

19:00 Rask kanalsurfing med raske titt innom dagsrevyen for å se om

Bondevik går av

19:30 Middag med forrett, pepperbiff, bakte poteter og en god rødvin

21:00 Konjakk og kubanske Partagas-sigarer

21:30 Sex med tre kvinner på en gang

23:00 Massasje og jacuzzi

23:45 I seng (alene)

23:50 Femten sekunders, 4 oktavers høy megabønne

23:51 Hunden rømmer soverommet

23:52 Humrer seg i søvn

[Gjest Madam Felle]

Austin Powers Sjekketriks

1.I wish you were a door so I could bang you all day long, baby

2.Nice legs...what time do they open?

3.You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?

4. I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.

5. Wanna play army? I'll lay down and you can blow the hell outta me.

6. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a braille name tag.

7. I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked.

8. Is that a ladder in your stockings or the stairway to heaven?

9. Are those real?

10. I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue.

11. If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.

12. (Look down at your crotch) Well It's not just going to suck itself, baby...

13. You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me.

14. You. Me. Whipped cream. Handcuffs. Any questions?

15. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but is your name Helga Titsbottom?

16. Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor.

17. My name is Austin... remember that, you'll be screaming it later.

18. Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?

19. Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.

20. Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.

21. I know milk does a body good, but DAMN, how much have you been

drinking?

22. If you were the last woman and I was the last man on earth, I bet we

could do it in public.

23. Wanna come over for some pizza and sex? No? Why, don't you like

pizza?

[Gjest Madam Felle]

I've Learned

I've learned -

that you cannot make someone love you.

All you can do is

be someone who can be loved.

The rest is up to them.

I've learned -

that no matter how much I care,

some people just don't care back.

I've learned -

that it takes years to build up trust,

and only seconds to destroy it.

I've learned -

that it's not what you have in your life

but who you have in your life that counts.

I've learned -

that you can get by on charm

for about fifteen minutes.

After that, you'd better know something.

I've learned -

that you shouldn't compare

yourself to the best others can do

but to the best you can do.

I've learned -

that it's not what happens to people

that's important. It's what they do about it.

I've learned -

that you can do something in an instant

that will give you heartache for life.

I've learned -

that no matter how thin you slice it,

there are always two sides.

I've learned -

that it's taking me a long time

to become the person I want to be.

I've learned -

that it's a lot easier

to react than it is to think.

I've learned -

that you should always leave

loved ones withloving words.

It may be the last time you see them.

I've learned -

that you can keep going

long after you think you can't.

I've learned -

that we are responsible for what we do,

no matter how we feel.

I've learned -

that either you control your attitude

or it controls you.

I've learned -

that regardless of how hot and steamy

a relationship is at first,

the passion fades and there had better be

something else to take its place.

I've learned -

that heroes are the people

who do what has to be done

when it needs to be done,

regardless of the consequences.

I've learned -

that learning to forgive takes practice.

I've learned -

that there are people who love you dearly,

but just don't know how to show it.

I've learned -

that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I've learned -

that my best friend and I can do anything

or nothing and have the best time.

I've learned -

that sometimes the people you expect

to kick you when you're down

will be the ones to help you get back up.

I've learned -

that sometimes when I'm angry

I have the right to be angry,

but that doesn't give me

the right to be cruel.

I've learned -

that true friendship continues to grow,

even over the longest distance.

Same goes for true love.

I've learned -

that just because someone doesn't love you

the way you want them to doesn't mean

they don't love you with all they have.

I've learned -

that maturity has more to do with

what types of experiences you've had

and what you've learned from them

and less to do with how many

birthdays you've celebrated.

I've learned _

that you should never tell a child

their dreams are unlikely or outlandish.

Few things are more humiliating, and

what a tragedy it would be

if they believed it.

I've learned -

that your family won't always

be there for you. It may seem funny,

but people you aren't related to

can take care of you and love you

and teach you to trust people again.

Families aren't biological.

I've learned -

that no matter how good a friend is,

they're going to hurt you

every once in a while

and you must forgive them for that.

I've learned -

that it isn't always enough

to be forgiven by others.

Sometimes you have to learn

to forgive yourself.

I've learned -

that no matter how bad

your heart is broken

the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I've learned -

that our background and circumstances

may have influenced who we are,

but we are responsible for who we become.

I've learned -

that sometimes when my friends fight,

I'm forced to choose sides

even when I don't want to.

I've learned -

that just because two people argue,

it doesn't mean they don't love each other

And just because they don't argue,

it doesn't mean they do.

I've learned -

that sometimes you have to put

the individual ahead of their actions.

I've learned -

that we don't have to change friends

if we understand that friends change.

I've learned -

that you shouldn't be so

eager to find out a secret.

It could change your life forever.

I've learned -

that two people can look

at the exact same thing

and see something totally different.

I've learned -

that no matter how you try to protect

your children, they will eventually get hurt

and you will hurt in the process.

I've learned -

that there are many ways of falling

and staying in love.

I've learned -

that no matter the consequences,

those who are honest with themselves

get farther in life.

I've learned -

that no matter how many friends you have,

if you are their pillar you will feel lonely

and lost at the times you need them most.

I've learned -

that your life can be changed

in a matter of hours

by people who don't even know you.

I've learned -

that even when you think

you have no more to give,

when a friend cries out to you,

you will find the strength to help.

I've learned -

that writing, as well as talking,

can ease emotional pains.

I've learned -

that the paradigm we live in

is not all that is offered to us.

I've learned -

that credentials on the wall

do not make you a decent human being.

I've learned -

that the people you care most about in life

are taken from you too soon.

I've learned -

that although the word "love"

can have many different meanings,

it loses value when overly used.

I've learned -

that it's hard to determine

where to draw the line

between being nice and

not hurting people's feelings

and standing up for what you believe.

[Gjest Madam Felle]

Carpe Diem

Tenk deg....

At det er en bank som hver eneste morgen setter inn 86.400 kroner på kontoen

din. Men banken overfører ikke pengene til neste dag. Hver eneste natt blir

alle pengene som du ikke brukte opp den dagen, slettet fra kontoen din .

Hva ville du gjort i et slikt tilfelle ? Du ville selvsagt ha brukt opp alle

pengene den dagen !!!

Hver og en av oss har virkelig en slik konto! Men det er ikke penger som

blir satt inn på kontoen din. Navnet på denne kontoen er TID. Hver eneste

dag blir du godskrevet med 86.400 sekunder. Hver eneste natt blir den tiden

du har unnlatt å bruke fjernet. Ingenting blir overført til neste dag og du

kan heller ikke bruke noe på forskudd.

Hver eneste dag blir en ny konto opprettet for deg. Hver eneste natt blir

det som er ubrukt fjernet. Hvis du unnlater å bruke dagens innskudd er du

som må bære tapet. Det er ingen vei tilbake.

Du kan ikke overtrekke kontoen for i morgen !

Du må leve i nuet og bruke dagens innskudd. Invester tiden slik at du får

det meste igjen i form av helse, glede og suksess. Tiden går. Gjør det beste

ut av dagen i dag.

For å forstå verdien av ET ÅR, spør en student som strøk til eksamen !

For å forstå verdien av EN MÅNED, spør en mor som fødte et barn for tidlig.

For å forstå verdien av EN UKE spør redaktøren av en uke avis.

For å forstå verdien av EN TIME spør de nyforelskede som venter på å møtes.

For å forstå verdien av ET MINUTT, spør han som kom for sent til flyet.

For å forstå verdien av ET SEKUND, spør en person som akkurat så vidt

unngikk en ulykke på motorveien.

For å forstå verden av ET MILLISEKUND, spør han som kom på annen plass i

en OL konkurranse.

Verdsett hvert eneste øyeblikk og verdsett det enda mer fordi du delte det

med noen som betyr mye for deg, så mye at du delte tiden din med denne personen.

Og husk at tiden ikke venter på noen. Gårsdagen er historie. Morgendagen er

et mysterium. Dagen i dag er en gave. Det er derfor den kalles for nuet.

Venner er virkelig verdifulle juveler. De får deg til å smile og de ønsker

at du skal lykkes. De hører på deg, de roser deg og de ønsker å dele sine

tanker med deg.

[Gjest Madam Felle]

SMIL

Å SMILE er smittsomt. Det kommer over deg som en influensa.

Noen SMILTE til meg i dag og jeg smilte tilbake.

Da jeg rundet hjørnet møtte jeg en som så SMILET mitt.

Og han SMILTE tilbake, og jeg skjønte at jeg hadde smittet ham.

Jeg tenkte litt på dette og forsto plutselig hvor mye et SMIL er verdt.

Et enkelt SMIL som mitt kunne smitte alle rundt meg, ja i hele verden.

Så hvis du kjenner at et SMIL er på vei, la det slippe fri og smitt alle rundt deg.

START EN SMILE-EPEDEMI OG SPRE DEN TIL HELE VERDEN!

[Gjest Madam Felle]

Feel good

Think about them one at a time BEFORE going on to the next one.........

IT DOES MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD especially the thought at the end.

Falling in love.

Laughing so hard your face hurts.

A hot shower.

No lines at the supermarket

A special glance.

Getting mail.

Taking a drive on a pretty road.

Hearing your favourite song on the radio.

Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.

Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.

Finding the sweater you want is on sale for half price.

Chocolate milkshake. (or vanilla!) (or strawberry)

A long distance phone call.

A bubble bath.

Giggling.

A good conversation.

The beach.

Finding a 20 note in your coat from last winter.

Laughing at yourself.

Midnight phone calls that last for hours.

Running through sprinklers.

Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.

Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.

Laughing at an inside joke.

Friends.

Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.

Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.

Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner).

Making new friends or spending time with old ones.

Playing with a new puppy.

Having someone play with your hair.

Sweet dreams.

Hot chocolate.

Road trips with friends.

Swinging on swings.

Wrapping presents under the Christmas tree while eating cookies and drinking your favourite tipple.

Song lyrics printed inside your new CD so you can sing along without feeling stupid.

Going to a really good concert.

Making eye contact with a cute stranger.

Winning a really competitive game.

Making chocolate chip cookies.

Having your friends send you home-made cookies.

Spending time with close friends.

Seeing smiles and hearing laughter from your friends.

Holding hands with someone you care about.

Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change.

Riding the best roller coasters over and over.

Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you.

Watching the sunrise.

Getting out of bed every morning and thanking God for another beautiful day.

[Gjest Madam Felle]

Trur eg

I morgen vil eg byrja på eit nytt og betre liv, trur eg.

Eg skal aldri gå på fylla meir og skjera folk med kniv, trur eg.

Eg skal aldri skråla visor meir i laddevinsrus,

men syngja åndelege songar på Zions bedehus, trur eg.

Alle kvinnfolk som eg møter skal eg sky som berre fan, trur eg,

og gå vyrdeleg forbi dei som ein nybakt kapellan, trur eg.

Eg skal sitja som ein munk i ein misjonskone-ring,

og drikka kaffi medan drøset går um åndelege ting, trur eg.

Det skal ingen meir få sjå meg når det lid til høgste natt, trur eg,

koma ruslande på heimveg utan stivety og hatt, trur eg.

Eg skal leggja meg når grisen går til kvila i sitt bol,

og stå upp når hanen flaksar og gjel i morgonsol, trur eg.

Ja, i morgon skal eg byrja på den gode veg som sagt, trur eg,

taka striden upp mot kjøtet og den heile develsmakt, trur eg.

Men idag lyt det få vera, for eg er so spøkje tyrst

at eg mest må ha eit ølkrus til å leske meg på fyrst,...... trur eg.

[Gjest Madam Felle]

Sexual identity

According to studies, the first letter of your first name reveals your

sexual identity... What do you think?!

-A-

You are not particularly romantic, but you are interested in action. You mean

business. With you, what you see is what you get. You have no patience for

flirting and can't be bothered with someone who is trying to be coy, cute,

demure, and subtly enticing. You are an up front person.

When it comes to sex, it's action that counts not obscure hints. Your mate's

physical attractiveness is important to you. You find the chase and challenge

of the "hunt" invigorating. You are passionate and sexual as well as being much

more adventurous than you appear; however, you do not go around advertising

these qualities. Your physical needs are your primary concern.

-B-

You give off vibes of lazy sensuality. You enjoy being romanced, wined, and

dined. You are very happy to receive gifts as an expression of the affection of

your lover. You want to be pampered and know how to pamper your mate.

You are private in your expression of endearments and particularly when it comes

to lovemaking. You will hold off until everything meets with your approval.

You can control your appetite and abstain from sex if need be.

You require new sensations and experiences. You are willing to experiment.

-C-

You are a very social individual, and it is important to you to have a

relationship. You require closeness and togetherness. You must be able to talk

to your sex partner before, during, and after. You want the object of your

affection to be socially acceptable and good looking. You see your lover as a

friend and companion. You are very sexual and sensual, needing someone to

appreciate and almost worship you. When this cannot be achieved, you have

the ability to go for long periods without sexual activity. You are an expert

at controlling your desires and doing without.

-D-

Once you get it into your head that you want someone, you move full steam

ahead in pursuit. You do not give up your quest easily. You are nurturing and

caring. If someone has a problem, this turns you on. You are highly sexual,

passionate, loyal, and intense in your involvement, sometimes possessive and

jealous. Sex to you is a pleasure to be enjoyed. You are stimulated by the

eccentric and unusual, having a free and open.

-E-

Your greatest need is to talk. If your date is not a good listener, you have

trouble relating. A person must be intellectually stimulating or you are not

interested sexually. You need a friend for a lover and a companion for a

bedmate. You hate disharmony and disruption, but you do enjoy a good

argument once in a while it seems to stir things up. You flirt a lot, for the

challenge is more important than the sexual act for you, but once you give your

heart away, you are uncompromisingly loyal. When you don't have a good

lover to fall asleep with, you will fall asleep with a good book. (Sometimes, in

fact, you prefer a good book.)

-F-

You are idealistic and romantic, putting your lover on a pedestal. You look

for the very best mate you can find. You are a flirt, yet once committed,

you are very loyal. You are sensuous, sexual, and privately passionate.

Publicly, you can be showy, extravagant, and gallant. You are born romantic.

Dramatic love scenes are your favorite fantasy pastime. You can be a very

generous lover.

-G-

You are fastidious, seeking perfection within yourself and your lover.

You respond to a lover who is your intellectual equal or superior, and one who

can enhance your status. You are sensuous and know how to reach the peak of

erotic stimulation, because you work at it meticulously. You can be extremely

active sexually that is, when you find the time. Your duties and responsibilities

take precedence over everything else. You may have difficulty getting emotionally

close to a lover, but no trouble getting close sexually.

-H-

You seek a mate who can enhance your reputation and earning ability. You will

be very generous to your lover once you have attained a commitment.

Your gifts are actually an investment in your partner. Before the commitment,

though, you tend to be frugal in your spending and dating habits and equally

cautious in your sexual involvement. You are a sensual and patient lover.

-I-

You have a great need to be loved, appreciated... Even worshipped. You enjoy

luxury, sensuality, and pleasures of the flesh. You look for lovers who know

what they are doing. You are not interested in an amateur, unless that amateur

wants a tutor. You are fussy and exacting about having your desires satisfied.

You are willing to experiment and try new modes of sexual expression.

You bore easily and thus require sexual adventure and change. You are more

sensual than sexual, but you are sometimes downright lustful.

-J-

You can be very romantic, attached to the glamour of love. Having a partner is

of paramount importance to you. You are free in your expression of love and are

willing to take chances, try new sexual experiences and partners, provided it's

all in good taste. Brains turn you on. You must feel that your partner is

intellectually stimulating, otherwise you will find it difficult to sustain the

relationship. You require loving, cuddling, wining, and dining to know that

you're being appreciated.

-K-

You are totally f__king marvellous!

-L-

You are very romantic, idealistic, and somehow you believe that to love means to

suffer. You wind up serving your mate or attracting people who have unusual

troubles. You see yourself as your lover's savior. You are sincere, passionate,

lustful, and dreamy. You can't help falling in love. You fantasize and get turned

on by movies and magazines. You do not tell others of this secret life, nor of

your sexual fantasies.

-M-

You are emotional and intense. When involved in a relationship, you throw your

entire being into it. Nothing stops you; there are no holds barred.

You are all consuming and crave someone who is equally passionate and intense.

You believe in total sexual freedom. You are willing to try anything and

everything. Your supply of sexual energy is inexhaustible.

You also enjoy mothering your mate.

-N-

You are crap in bed.

-O-

You are very interested in sexual activities yet secretive and shy about your desires.

You can re-channel much of your sexual energy into making money and/or

seeking power. You can easily have extended periods of celibacy. You are a

passionate, compassionate, sexual lover, requiring the same qualities from your

mate. Sex is serious business; thus you demand intensity diversity, and are

willing to try anything or anyone.

Sometimes your passions turn to possessiveness, which must be kept in check.

-P-

You are very conscious of social proprieties. You wouldn't think of doing

anything that might harm your image or reputation. Appearances count,

therefore, you require a good-looking partner. You also require an intelligent

partner. Oddly enough, you may view your partner as your enemy;

a good fight stimulates those sex vibes. You are relatively free of sexual

hang-ups. You are willing to experiment and try new ways of doing things.

You are very social and sensual; you enjoy flirting and need a good deal of

physical gratification.

-Q-

You require constant activity and stimulation. You have tremendous physical

energy. It is not easy for a partner to keep up with you, sexually or

otherwise. You are an enthusiastic lover and tend to be attracted to people

of other ethnic groups. You need romance, hearts and flowers, and lots

of conversation to turn you on and keep you going.

-R-

You are a no-nonsense, action-oriented individual. You need someone who can

keep pace with you and who is your intellectual equal the smarter the better.

You are turned on more quickly by a great mind than by a great body.

However,physical attractiveness is very important to you. You have to be

proud of your partner. You are privately very sexy, but you do not bed, you

are willing to serve as teacher. Sex is important; you can be a very demanding

playmate.

-S-

You are secretive, self-contained, and shy. You are very sexy,

sensual, and passionate, but you do not let on to this. Only in intimate

privacy will this part of your nature reveal itself. When it gets down to

the nitty-gritty, you are an expert. You know all the little tricks of the

trade, can play any role or any game, and take your love life very seriously.

You don't fool around. You have the patience to wait for the right person

to come along.

-T-

You are very sensitive, private, and sexually passive; you like a partner who

takes the lead. Music, soft lights and romantic thoughts turn you on. You

fantasize, but do not tend to fall in and out of love easily. When in love,

you are romantic, idealistic, mushy, and extremely intense. You enjoy having

your senses and your feelings stimulated, titillated, and teased.

You are a great flirt. You can make your relationships fit your dreams,

oftentimes all in your own head.

-U-

You are enthusiastic and idealistic when in love. When not in love, you are in

love with love, always looking for someone to adore. You see romance as a

challenge. You are a roamer and need adventure, excitement, and freedom.

You deal in potential relationships. You enjoy giving gifts and enjoy seeing

your mate looking good. Your sex drive is strong and you desire instant

gratification. You are willing to put your partner's pleasures above your

own.

-V-

You are individualistic, and you need freedom, space, and excitement.

You wait until you know someone well before committing yourself.

Knowing someone means psyching him out. You feel a need to get into

his head to see what makes him tick. You are attracted to eccentric types.

Often there is an age difference between you and your lover. You respond to

danger, thrills, and suspense. The gay scene turns you on, even though you

yourself may not be a participant.

-W-

You are very proud, determined, and you refuse to take no for an answer when

pursuing love. Your ego is at stake. You are romantic, idealistic, and often

in love with love itself, not seeing your partner as he or she really is.

You feel deeply and throw all of yourself into your relationships.

Nothing is too good for your lover. You enjoy playing love games.

-X-

You need constant stimulation because you bore quickly. You can handle more

than one relationship at a time with ease. You can't shut off your mind.

You talk while you make love. You can have the greatest love affairs, all

by yourself, in your own head.

-Y-

You are sexual, sensual, and very independent. If you can't have it your way,

you will forgo the whole thing. You want to control your relationships,

which doesn't always work out too well. You respond to physical stimulation,

enjoy necking and spending hours just touching, feeling and exploring.

However, if you can spend your time making money, you will give up the

pleasures of the flesh for the moment. You need to prove to yourself and your partner

what a great lover you are. You want feedback on your performance. You are

an open, stimulating, romantic bedmate.

-Z-

For you, it is business before pleasure. If you are in any way

bothered by career, business, or money concerns, you find it very hard to relax

and get into the mood. You can be romantically idealistic to a fault and are

capable of much sensuality. But you never lose control of your emotions. You are

very careful and cautious before you give your heart away and your body, for that

matter. Once you make the commitment, though, you stick like glue.

[Gjest Madam Felle]

Gullkorn

Hvorfor være vanskelig

...når man bare ved en liten ekstra anstrengelse kan være komplett umulig?

Ingen kan ta mer feil

...enn et menneske som er overbevist om at det har rett.

Hvordan skal jeg tenke før jeg snakker

...når jeg ikke vet hva jeg skal si før jeg har sagt det?

Tenk deg alltid om to ganger før du sier noe.

Kanskje du kan komme på noe mer uforskammet å si?

Tenk ikke

...det bare forvirrer.

Hvis man alltid hadde begge beina på jorda

...ville man ikke ha kommet et skritt fremover.

En kvinne kan neppe få en mann til å gjøre alt hun befaler,

men hun kan ganske sikkert få ham til å ønske at han hadde gjort det.

Den som snorker sovner alltid først

Det er umulig å lage noe som er idiotsikkert, for idiotene er alltid så smarte.