Japanese scientists have created a camera with a shutter speed so fast, they can now photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

A woman standing nude in front of a mirror says to her husband, I look horrible, I feel fat & ugly, pay me a compliment.' He replies, 'Your eyesight is perfect.

'Wife gets naked & asks hubby, 'What turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?' Hubby looks her up & down and replies, 'Your sense of humour!

An elderly couple are attending Mass.

About halfway through, the wife leans over and says to her husband, 'I just let out a silent fart; what do you think I should do?' He replies, 'Put a new battery in your hearing aid.'