Should I move country for my boyfriend?

[Winterberry750]

I'm British. My bf is Norwegian. We've been together for 6-7 years. We met when I was an exchange student, and then we were LDR for 1 year. Then he became an exchange student at my university, and then we moved to London and he did LSE. He then chose fast stream civil service here for 3.5 years, and could get a job. He has family and friends here, and he has citizenship here.

He wants to move back to Norway, and work. I'm a tattoo artist, so I could move. However, I have built my client base here in London. And I'm not that close with the Norwegian friends from 6-7 years ago. And I can't speak the language properly, but I can read. He would also have to take care of me financially for a period. I have talked about getting engaged, but he says we should choose where to settle first and be more stable. It makes me unsure. I really want to move and be with him, but I'd feel more secure if he wanted to marry/get engaged.

Since he has already moved, I feel in some sense it is my turn now. 

His family does own an apartment in Oslo we can live in, so in that sense we're more financially stable.

I'm now 27-28 and he's 28-29.

What should I do? What would you do?

Endret 26. oktober av Winterberry750

[AnonymBruker]

Stay where you are.

Anonymkode: 3a2e8...b30

[AnonymBruker]

See it like this, would you want to move here if it wasn't for him? Don't move just for him. Can you see a future here, do YOU want to try living here? You have been together a long time, you ARE stable, if he withholds the engagement on this reason, I'd be skeptical too.... it's a engagement, you can always break it off in worst case, if you move, it's a bigger thing for you, if you know what I mean. Don't move just for this. 

Anonymkode: 34e1a...f47

[AnonymBruker]

Yes you should. Your boyfriend is the most important thing in the world and you would be a bad girlfriend and a bad person if you don't do as he wants. 

Anonymkode: ad10a...934

[PorøsAmasone]

You’d be extremely bitter if you move from London and loose everything you’ve built up there just to move to Norway and get dumped. I get a bit skeptical with his «let’s see» approach. 

[AnonymBruker]

Building a client list over here is not that hard. Also, clients do travel for their fav tattoo artist. To showcase your work i reccomend participating the different Tattoo conventions in Norway. People also travel in Norway to get tattoed by their favorite artist. 

Anonymkode: e5dd2...36d

[AnonymBruker]

AnonymBruker skrev (1 minutt siden):

Yes you should. Your boyfriend is the most important thing in the world and you would be a bad girlfriend and a bad person if you don't do as he wants. 

Anonymkode: ad10a...934

Lol.

Anonymkode: fdef3...83b

[AnonymBruker]

I would never set my self in a situation where I would be financially dependent on anybody else, especially not in a foreign country. He also dont want to be engaged, is approach 'lets wait and see' is a red flag. 

You have a client base already. Dont throw that overboard just for a guy. 

Anonymkode: d89b0...628

[Gjest Kjethild]

I'm thinking, if it's not a "fuck, yes!", then it probably should be a "no". You sound very much on the fence.

[AnonymBruker]

I moved to Norway when I was 20 years old (because I love the country) but now, 16 years later and after a few kids I wish I’d still live in my home country, closer to my family.

i don’t think it’s your turn to move, even though he has been living in England for all these years “for you”. Because you moving abroad now is a far bigger decision since it will affect your future in a much bigger way than it did for him. You have to find out if you want to live the rest of your life in another country and maybe get a family of your own far away from your family and also loose your client base that you have built up. 

Anonymkode: 4f2f6...207

[AnonymBruker]

So, he is not ready to make a commitment but expects you to give up the business you've built and move country for him. No way. Nah- ah. 

Anonymkode: a66ae...d9c

[AnonymBruker]

AnonymBruker skrev (Akkurat nå):

So, he is not ready to make a commitment but expects you to give up the business you've built and move country for him. No way. Nah- ah. 

Anonymkode: a66ae...d9c

An engagement is just a ring on a finger and a promise. Can easily be broken. Guessing he doesnt want an engagement in case she wants to move back. And if she really has a client base, that will eventually run out of skin to be tattooed, they will come back if she returns. A client base need to be constantly built. It's no problem for tattoo artists to get work in Norway from the get go. 

Anonymkode: e5dd2...36d

[AnonymBruker]

Could you try it out first? Go on a tourist visa (if that is necessary) and stay with him in his home, and see if he takes care of you like he should. Kind of a vacation, even if you do not tell him that. Rent out your home for 3 months and tell you clients that you will be away for some time. I do believe that winter is not the best time to fall in love with Norway, but if you love skiing, I guess it would be ok 😅 

What city will you be living in? That will have a lot to say when it comes to making friends and having job opportunities. 

Speaking the language is usually not a problem in Norway, we speak ok English, even if it is a little "norweglish" at times. You will learn if you decide to stay. 

Anonymkode: ff04d...83f

[AnonymBruker]

I would not before getting married. Thats a sign of commitment! Thats the least you should expect from him....

Anonymkode: 5a36a...47b

[AnonymBruker]

AnonymBruker skrev (Akkurat nå):

I would not before getting married. Thats a sign of commitment! Thats the least you should expect from him....

Anonymkode: 5a36a...47b

But what will they do if she hates it there and wants to go home? That would be stupid, to get married before the have tried living together in Norway. 

Anonymkode: ff04d...83f

[AnonymBruker]

My wife moved to Norway with me when we were dating in our 20s. We are in our 40s now and still live here. She’s Australian and I lived in Australia in my early 20s. We have a very good life here now. However, it was at times unbelievably difficult the first few years. Culture shock, language barriers and lots of other things. Still we managed to push through. I’d encourage you to give it a go if it feels right, but I recommend you really think it through and talk to someone first.  I’m sure you can build a strong career and client base here! Wish you all the best! Good luck! And if you decide to come know that you are welcome with open arms and open hearts!  

Anonymkode: a77b0...673

[AnonymBruker]

Er det ikke bare å prøve seg da? Det er sikkert mulig å dra tilbake til England hvis du ikke trives her og ikke får til å bygge opp en ny klientbase for tatoveringen din? 

Og hvis kjæresten din virkelig er drømmemannen og ta vare på deg til du også kan tjene egne penger og dere har det fint sammen så kan det være verdt å prøve ut? 

Det er ikke hugget i stein at du må være her for alltid selv om du gjør et forsøk?

Anonymkode: 8281f...3d9

[AnonymBruker]

I say live a little! If all else fails, you could always move back to London. Building a client list here won't be hard. Sure, depends on where in the country you move to, but people travel to see their tattoo artist. I wouldn't be too worried if you move to a city or close to one. 

Anonymkode: cf7bb...ea0

[AnonymBruker]

Kjethild skrev (48 minutter siden):

I'm thinking, if it's not a "fuck, yes!", then it probably should be a "no". You sound very much on the fence.

This. 

I would not leave my country and my life if it wasn't a "fuck yes!".

Anonymkode: edc18...d90

[AnonymBruker]

How easy would it be for you to return to Britain if it doesn't work out for one reason or another? Even if you got engaged, its kind of an empty gesture, it doesn't really change anything, so I wouldn't bother demanding that. My husband is turkish, and it would be possible for him to go back home, move in with his family while looking for work. But it would also be easy for him to simply stay with legal residence through his current job. So even if we divorced he could still stay. If you're selfemployed as a tatoo artist, I am not sure how that works. My husband was financially dependent on me when he moved here but it was not a problem at all for me to do that. If we were going to have a future together, it was much more important that I gave him the opportunity to aquire equity so we could buy a house togehter than to charge him any rent. 

Anyway, I'd more than anything think about how can you protect yourself financially, and, do you have an easy way back, or to live in Norway independently? Also, how familiar are you with the culture? That you know the language somewhat is a great asset, but even between pretty close neighbors like ourselves, the culture can differ a lot, and cultureshock is real. I'd also think about differences when it comes to kids if you're considering that. I know we differ there. 

Anonymkode: 1a35c...1a4