All norwegians women do like that

[adri]

Hei. I must write in English because my norwegian is not good enough, and my computer has only italian letters on his keypad....I have a question about norwegian women and children and the help they get from their husbands. My husband is norwegian, and we often have fights about the almost NULL help I get for the house and the children. He says that he is very busy, and as I'm not working (for the period being, but I'm taking a PPU course to be able to get a job as a teacher) it's normal that I do all the home cleaning (that means everything, from the washing to bringing inside wood for the stove) and work with the children (that means everything, from putting them in bed to taking them to doctor, dance lessons, dentist, talking with teachers, buying clothes etc.) I am a 24 hours mama. No pause, no rest. He NEVER does anything. It can happen, ok, that he once a month stays 1 hour with the baby (now 2 years old) or once every 6 months picks up the girl at school. That's all. Even if I'm not working, I have some money and I pay all the food, soaps etc. plus the telephone bill plus everything concerning the children (clothes, toys, medicines, doctor, dance lessons, school bills when necessary etc. etc.) I would like to have 1 hour a day just for me.....but he says it's impossible, and his answer is always: you don't work, and here in Norway all women who don't work do like this."

Is it true??????

:evil:

[Leo]

Hi adri!

Nice to see you here even if you do not write Norwegian! I can not speak for all Norwegian women, but I do not think what your husband is telling you is true. I think most Norwegian husbands participate in the upbringing of the children, cleaning of the house etc. I, of course, know a lot of Norwegian husbands and I have not heard about anybody who does not!

If your husband has a normal job, there should be a lot of time left to do at least something. Take care of the children an hour or two for instance. It is his childeren too, isn't it?

If the situation is as you describe it, I can perfectly understand your anger!

Best Regards,

Leo

[Padmee]

Hi Adri.

No, it's not true. Even if a norwegian wife is home all day it is normal that the husband does his share of work too. Maybe he doesn't clean the house or wash the clothes, but he do take part in the children. This is because most women expect him to, and also because it's natural too share the work. When two grown-ups live together, of course they share the work of grown-ups too, which is housework.

You better insist that he help you in the house and with the children. It's not right that he should get away with such behavior.

This is not how "normal" norwegian men (and women) behave.

If the situation doesn't get better I would have left him. :evil:

[Kristian (71)]

Well, after reading some answer her on this board, there sure are some norwegian men that behave the way you discribe, but it is not correct that he should not help you out with the house or the children.

So, start to demand that he does help you out.

[Gjest Lizbet]

Ooops - I have never experienced anytihing like that...How about a little "demonstration?

You know - washing only your and the children's clothes and so on. Kind of making a statement in a way....

Anyway - good luck!!

[Gjest Starya]

you don't work, and here in Norway all women who don't work do like this."  

Is it true??????  

Oooh, that lying son of a gun... :o

[Gjest Kinga]

As the others already have claimed; your husband is not demanding a "normal" norwegian effort from you as wife and mother, working or not. Whatever "normal" is then...

My point is; What do you think is normal for you? How do you cope with this situation? Do you feel this is normal for you?

So far, you're close to being the "perfect" wife and mother in your husbands eyes (anything else I deny to believe!). Except the fact that you are not satisfied. This "minor" fact is actually a situation that should trigger your husband to rapid action for major improvements. Not trigger defence ("he is sooo busy") and accusations ("you are not being a normal norwegian wife").

He is actually tearing you down bit by bit, making you uncertain, manipulating you to believe that he is right and you are mistaken in being dissatisfied and unhappy. He is not right.

In your own eyes; is this relationship like it is now perfect for you? Far from, I guess.

In my eyes: Your going to burn out soon, darling. And so will your love for him, I'm afraid.

Has he ever thought of that? That one day you'll may end up being like a living dead just dreaming of leaving him and your exhausting life together with him?

The two of you have to talk. Try to avoid attacks and accusations when discussing this with him. Focus on all positive things by him, in your relationship, tell him what you in fact are satisfied with.

Explain him that you want that positive part to last. But emphasize that it won't last - if you are left with nothing to give in the end because you feel you're getting too little in return in fields that matters to you (help with the children, time on your own aso.).

He is just emptying his "bankaccount" and not "investing" at all nor bringing any "deposits", it sounds like to me. I hope I'm wrong. What do you think?

He is not only letting you down, but his children as well. Doesn't he see what he loses?

You and your children should not have to put up with this.

Hugs and plenty of good wishes (and hoping I'm overreacting),

Vibeke

[Leo]

Kristian, I guess you have heard/read a lot of complains from Norwegian women :blunke: . We are complaining a lot, but I do not think such behavior from a husband is the standard among Norwegian men !?!

Regards,

Leo

[Gjest Kinga]

Adri:

Kom til å tenke på en ting: Hadde det vært greit å få svarene på norsk, kanskje?

Bare lurer...

[adri]

Here I am! So nice of you all to answer me! I was really very confused, my husband IS actually very manipulative and I know he has been behaving like this with his ex wife too (that's the reason why she left, of course) but I knew all the story only after I married him and I started to know better his ex and his previous children (he has lost a very nice and special family, I can tell you) so one would think that he learnt the lesson - it seems that he was really shocked and utterly miserable when she left. But no. Furthermore, he is always talking about norwegian women as tough, strong, hard working, liberal, etc. so he almost convinced me that they are working all day long like mules and not complaining because they actually are SO strong and self-assured. I was soooo confused, before putting this post....

I want to add that he has 3 works, he is a full time teacher, and this (he says) means that even with only 17 school-hours a week, he has to be away from home from 8 in the morning to 4 in the afternoon every f....ing day. I don't know if it's true, but it can be. Then he has the sheep and horses, so in the beginning I was helping a lot, but when I realized that he was not helping me I stopped completely (apart from running with the baby on my back after the sheep or the horses in the wood when they break the fences in spring and summer...) Then he is directing two choirs, so he is away 2 evenings every week. I asked him to quit at least one, he did (after a fight) and then he took it back. He is a workoholic, and doesn't like to stay home and babysit, that's why (I believe) he tries to stay away as much as he can. I have been threatening him to leave, he is good and helpful maybe for a couple of days and then ZERO again. I wondered if it can be useful to go to some place where they do this couple counseling, maybe then he can't cheat and say that what he does is normal and that I just have to accept him the way he is.

Why did I married him? He was sweet, a real animal lover, etc. etc.

One last thing: I was a single mother (by choice) in Italy, and everyday's life was pretty tough, and he convinced me to have this other baby saying that it was going to be DIFFERENT !!!!! Yes, now I have 2 children and a man to look after, clean and feed, and three times more dirty clothes to pick up from the floor all around the house. :cry:

[Gjest Minnie Emmerdale]

Hi there Adri, so nice to have a new face in here.

Well, to answer your problem I think that you have gotten yourselves stuck in a very unpleasant and tricky situation. I really think family counseling might help you both if your husband is willing to make an effort to change his priorities. Your husband need to be more sensitive, and pay more attentions to your feelings and needs.

Forgive me for saying so but he doesn't sound like a very nice person. They way you descbribe gives me the impression that this is a man with two faces.

Maybe you should have a talk with his ex- wife if it's possible?

Milla

[Gjest Minnie Emmerdale]

he is always talking about norwegian women as tough, strong, hard working, liberal, etc. so he almost convinced me that they are working all day long like mules and not complaining because they actually are SO strong and self-assured.

This is complete bullshit Dear.

Milla

[adri]

Takk for hjelpen...and of course anybody can write paa Norsk, I understand it pretty well...!

[Ann Forup]

hei aldri så vil jeg skrive på mit dansk norske og håber du forstår det :D

hvis jeg skal være ærlig så tror jeg faktisk at han har tænk slikt, aha en kvinde som er fra italia så fint da de ordner alt det huslige, det er nemlig den opfattelse man får når man ser noget dernede fra kvinder på køkkenet lave mad hele dagen og passer unger, jeg ved at det ikke stemmer da jeg ofter har være i italien men det er det indtryk man får fra tv desværre....

hvis jeg var dig så ville jeg nok ha gået i stræk og stoppet med at lave mad til ham mm vasket tøj til dig selv og unger men ikke ham.

tror der er få norske kvinder som løber om som små slave for deres mænd i dag, de fleste er ude i arbejdslivet og er på ligefod med deres mænd.

her i huset og alle som er omkring mig familie og venner deles kvinder og mænd om arbejdet med ungerne og hjemmet så for mig er det helt naturligt, ville min samboer ha en gulvløber kan han købe en....

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