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[Harmonics]

Vet ikke helt i hvilket forum jeg skal plassere det.

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The Parrot and the Tree and the Man (or A Reflection on Meta-ethics for Children)

This is a story about how many people make themselves stop-think, and replace thinking by repeating eachothers opinions.

It is a story about when the Parrot met the Man.

Chapter One – The Parrot hears a Voice

Not so very long ago in a place quite near, there was a Parrot.

The Parrot was a very happy Parrot (or so it liked to believe) for it had many friends (or so it liked to believe). And they flew around and ate the fruits of the trees, and enjoyed seeing each other everywhere, and when evening came, they gathered at the Tree of Right & Wrong and they sang to eachother the familiar, comforting songs in the key they had always sung their songs, and they enjoyed eachothers company and they were content and they slept without dreams.

When a parrot learned to sing, at first it couldn't sing quite as high as the others, and so the others helped the parrot learn to sing by singing just a little bit higher than usual. Some parrots where slow to learn to sing, and when a parrot who was learning to sing couldn't quite get the notes right, the other parrots gathered all around and all sang together the same song. They sang quite loudly, but they were very polite about it and that made it okay (or so they wanted to believe).

And another parrot learned to sing, and became happy (or so he learned to believe).

The parrots were very nice (or so they all believed) and happy (or so they all believed) and they really liked other birds too, whenever they saw them when they were out flying, and eating.

But when other birds came near the Tree of Right & Wrong to sing, they all sang a very simple song, alltogether, as loudly as they possibly could. And the other birds understood that this Tree belonged to the parrots, and only they were allowed to sing there.

And that was okay too, because the other birds had their own trees, where they could sing for themselves.

But the parrots were the best singers of them all (or so they liked to believe), because the parrots had the finest feathers, and they all sang the same song, and that meant it had to be the best song (and so they all agreed).

One day when a young parrot was out flying, it heard a Voice.

It was a voice of thunder and gentle wind and the deep, deep crackling of ice breaking. The parrot got scared. The parrot hurried back to the Tree. Nobody else had arrived at the tree yet, because it was still in the middle of the day, and the parrots never sang until evening fell. The parrot felt quite alone, and a little bit sad. And it thought about the Voice. It wasn't so scary to think about the Voice when it sat in the tree of Right & Wrong, because here was the place where everybody comforted eachother by agreeing to sing the same song. But nobody were singing now. The parrot liked the part of the voice which sounded like a gentle wind. It wondered if perhaps it, too, could make a sound like that. The parrot tried at first to whisper, and then to whisper loudly, but it sounded nothing like the wind it had heard. It didn't much matter anyway, because it knew the songs of parrots and those were the best songs (for so it had been told).

The parrot sat in stillness for a little while, until it began to become uneasy by realizing that it couldn't quite explain to itself why the songs of parrots were the best songs. The parrot flew off to distract itself with fruit to find and eat, and evening came, and the parrots sang in the tree, and the parrot slept.

And the parrot dreamt.

At first, the parrot didn't realize that it was in a dream, for it had never dreamt before, and neither had any other parrot (or else it had never been told).

In its dream, the parrot saw rainbows snake through the sky like northern lights, and whenever a rainbow touched a cloud, the cloud dissappeared for a moment, and the rainbow shone through.

The parrot had never seen northern lights before, nor had it ever seen clouds turn off and on like that.

«What a strange sight», the parrot thought, and thought that it couldn't be so, and that it wasn't right, and it needed to get away, and realized that it wasn't awake and the dream ended.

The night was dark, and empty, and still. All the other parrots were asleep. It was quiet, oh so quiet. The parrot felt alone, even though it was surrounded by other parrots. And it wanted so, oh so much to hear the best songs, but it daren't wake the others or else they would all gather round him and sing very very loudly the same short song until his ears hurt and his head hurt and his heart hurt and he cried and only then would they stop.

«Maybe if I try and think about the song and listen to it inside of me I will be comforted», the parrot thought. And he tried to listen inside as best as he could and he thought that maybe he could hear it but he wasn't sure and then he heard something else. Far away, almost as far away as it would have been possible to hear anything, he heard something he recognized. It was the Voice.

Afterwards, the parrot couldn't quite say why he did what he did. He had never heard of any other parrot doing something so outrageous like that before. Leaving the tree of Right & Wrong in the middle of the night, and flying into the darkness.

But before he knew it, he felt the cool stream of air around him, telling him he was flying.

He was surprised, because he couldn't recall having made the conscious decision to fly. It wasn't as if he had thought about it beforehand. And he was also surprised, because he wasn't afraid. It was dark, but it wasn't cold, and the stars were shining overhead, and he could make out the outline of the land beneath him.

He knew where he was, and he knew where he was going.

[Harmonics]

Oh and btw, kind-of-sort-of the http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mc5lwpnoOmQ.

[AnonymBruker]

Hvorfor skriver du på engelsk?

[Harmonics]

Andre gode kommentarer?

EDIT: Hvorfor synger dama her på fransk?

Endret 24. januar 2012 av Harmonics

[AnonymBruker]

Andre gode kommentarer?

EDIT: Hvorfor synger dama her på fransk?

Fordi hun er fransk? Du er åpenbart ikke engelsk, så derfor lurer jeg...

[Harmonics]

Har vi noe bedre å snakke om?

[Gjest Armule]

Litt lange setninger i de første avsnittene, tror det kan bli litt bedre om du bytter komma med punktum! I tillegg ble det mye "sing" i begynnelsen, som skapte en veldig rykk-og-napp-lesning. Ellers fløt den veldig godt jo lenger inn i teksten jeg kom.

[AnonymBruker]

Setningsstrukturen må ses litt på, "and all sang together the same song" feks.

- Den "catchphrasen" du prøver på med "or so he/they believed" funker ikke helt. Too repetetive

[AnonymBruker]

Du skriver engelsk med norsk setningsstruktur, derfor fungerer det ikke.

[Harmonics]

Du skriver engelsk med norsk setningsstruktur, derfor fungerer det ikke.

Akkurat den er ikke så veldig god kritikk: "Det fungerer ikke".

Du kan takk få lov til å komme med et eksempel på hva-som-ikke-fungerer.

Og du kan også få lov til å være litte-bittegranne-snill og ta inn over deg at dette er jo faktisk et førsteutkast, en kladd.

Å liksom påstå at jeg ikke kan få til en engelsk tekst på bakgrunn av en slik grovkladd som jeg brukte toppen halvannen time på å skrive, det blir lite saklig.

[Gjest Maria_Marihøne]

Akkurat den er ikke så veldig god kritikk: "Det fungerer ikke".

Du kan takk få lov til å komme med et eksempel på hva-som-ikke-fungerer.

Og du kan også få lov til å være litte-bittegranne-snill og ta inn over deg at dette er jo faktisk et førsteutkast, en kladd.

Å liksom påstå at jeg ikke kan få til en engelsk tekst på bakgrunn av en slik grovkladd som jeg brukte toppen halvannen time på å skrive, det blir lite saklig.

Oi, du ber om kritikk, men du har visst problemer med å ta det til deg.

Hvordan skal vi kunne vite at dette er skrevet på en halvtime og er et førsteutkast??

[Harmonics]

Oi, du ber om kritikk, men du har visst problemer med å ta det til deg.

"Det fungerer ikke" er ikke kritikk. Vanskelig å forstå for deg, greit, notert.

Du er hjertelig velkommen til å komme med din egen kritikk, på sak, ikke person. Ikke sant?

[Gjest finurlig]

Litt skrivefeil merker jeg, f.eks. "The other parrots where happy" Skal være "were".

Og litt mye tilleggsinfo som kommer opp uti teksten som egentlig burde vært med helt i begynnelsen.

Ellers en søt historie

[Gjest Maria_Marihøne]

"Det fungerer ikke" er ikke kritikk. Vanskelig å forstå for deg, greit, notert.

Du er hjertelig velkommen til å komme med din egen kritikk, på sak, ikke person. Ikke sant?

Tror det er like før du kommer med "lille venn", men ok.

Jeg syns du bruker gjentagelse som virkemiddel alt for ofte. Det mister sin effekt etter første avsnitt.

Og jeg ser at du er god i engelsk, men jeg er enig i de andre her, at det er noe med setningsoppbyggingen som ikke fungerer. Jeg klarer ikke komme med eksempel, for jeg er ingen ekspert. Men for en som skal lese det, så var det noen av avsnittene som var unødvendig komplisert.

[AnonymBruker]

Vet ikke helt i hvilket forum jeg skal plassere det.

---

The Parrot and the Tree and the Man (or A Reflection on Meta-ethics for Children)

This is a story about how many people make themselves stop-think, and replace thinking by repeating eachothers opinions.

It is a story about when the Parrot met the Man.

Chapter One – The Parrot hears a Voice

Not so very long ago in a place quite near, there was a Parrot.

The Parrot was a very happy Parrot (or so it liked to believe) for it had many friends (or so it liked to believe). And they flew around and ate the fruits of the trees, and enjoyed seeing each other everywhere, and when evening came, they gathered at the Tree of Right & Wrong and they sang to eachother the familiar, comforting songs in the key they had always sung their songs, and they enjoyed eachothers company and they were content and they slept without dreams.

When a parrot learned to sing, at first it couldn't sing quite as high as the others, and so the others helped the parrot learn to sing by singing just a little bit higher than usual. Some parrots where slow to learn to sing, and when a parrot who was learning to sing couldn't quite get the notes right, the other parrots gathered all around and all sang together the same song. They sang quite loudly, but they were very polite about it and that made it okay (or so they wanted to believe).

And another parrot learned to sing, and became happy (or so he learned to believe).

The parrots were very nice (or so they all believed) and happy (or so they all believed) and they really liked other birds too, whenever they saw them when they were out flying, and eating.

But when other birds came near the Tree of Right & Wrong to sing, they all sang a very simple song, alltogether, as loudly as they possibly could. And the other birds understood that this Tree belonged to the parrots, and only they were allowed to sing there.

And that was okay too, because the other birds had their own trees, where they could sing for themselves.

Du kan ikke forvente at vi skal finne på alternative formuleringer for deg, skjønner du.

[Harmonics]

Nå forsvant plutselig innlegget mitt ved posting, men ok.

Gjøre det litt kort da.

Ja jeg setter stor pris på kritikk som har innhold og som jeg kan bruke til noe og takker for det.

For å være litt mer rund i kantene så kan jeg jo si at jeg ønsker å skrive en litt mer barnevennlig versjon av Three Worlds Collide.

[Harmonics]

Og litt mye tilleggsinfo som kommer opp uti teksten som egentlig burde vært med helt i begynnelsen.

Den forstår jeg ikke helt, hvordan tenker du?

[AnonymBruker]

Akkurat den er ikke så veldig god kritikk: "Det fungerer ikke".

Du kan takk få lov til å komme med et eksempel på hva-som-ikke-fungerer.

Og du kan også få lov til å være litte-bittegranne-snill og ta inn over deg at dette er jo faktisk et førsteutkast, en kladd.

Å liksom påstå at jeg ikke kan få til en engelsk tekst på bakgrunn av en slik grovkladd som jeg brukte toppen halvannen time på å skrive, det blir lite saklig.

"Det fungerer ikke" er ikke kritikk. Vanskelig å forstå for deg, greit, notert.

Du er hjertelig velkommen til å komme med din egen kritikk, på sak, ikke person. Ikke sant?

Du ber folk gjør deg en tjeneste ved å lese teksten din og gi tilbakemeldinger. Da er det ingen god idé å være frekk og grinete tilbake når noen faktisk hjelper deg.

[Harmonics]

Da er det ingen god idé å være frekk og grinete tilbake når noen faktisk hjelper deg.

"Det fungerer ikke", er ikke hjelp.

Litt av poenget med historien er at billig høflighet er ikke bedre enn å tenke.

[AnonymBruker]

"Det fungerer ikke", er ikke hjelp.

Litt av poenget med historien er at billig høflighet er ikke bedre enn å tenke.

Når du får beskjed om at det ikke fungerer fordi språket er for dårlig, må da det være noe å jobbe videre med?