Kan du gi meg tilbakemelding på diktet mitt?

[Vaeh]

It started as a flirt

and after came a kiss

You asked me to be your girl

and I just couldn't resist

You had the cutest blue eyes

and your personality got me amazed

Your smile brightened up my day

and made my heart start to blaze

A couple of months later

I sensed there was something wrong

But I was patient and saw where it went

as I tried to hold on and be strong

One night I recieved an sms

that made me cry out loud

You didnt want me anymore

and in the pain I drowned

To move on was really hard for me

because I realized I loved you so

And once again I fell in love

but I did never let you go

I was again broken up with

but I heard rumours about you

I heard from people you missed me

and I really missed you too

I finally managed to take contact

with the boy I've always been crazy about

We talked in many hours about our past

and after came a goodnight

You convinced me to come visit

and I was glad I finally said yes

The hug you have me when we met

was warm, sweet, and the best

After an hour with talking

we went to a friend of yours

We played cod and battlefield

this night was only ours

That night we sleept together

we whispered in the night

And after an hour I found out

the rumours about you were right ...

[FrøkenJosefine]

Det var søtt, enkelt og naivt..

Ga meg ikke så mye, men smilte litt av sluttpoenget..

[sjøhest]

Syns det høres mer ut som bare en fortelling om hva som skjedde. Det var ikke så veldig inspirerende eller utfordrende. Virker mer som en personlig historie fra deg. Men hvis du liker det sånn så har du det sånn.

[Vaeh]

Syns det høres mer ut som bare en fortelling om hva som skjedde. Det var ikke så veldig inspirerende eller utfordrende. Virker mer som en personlig historie fra deg. Men hvis du liker det sånn så har du det sånn.

Jeg skrev bare det jeg følte for å skrive, så ble det bare sånn. Liker at dikt skal fortelle noe, men i dette tilfelle så legger jeg omtrent alt fram så leseren slipper å tenke selv, noe som ikke alltid er like bra

[Gjest Fable]

Syns det høres mer ut som bare en fortelling om hva som skjedde. Det var ikke så veldig inspirerende eller utfordrende. Virker mer som en personlig historie fra deg. Men hvis du liker det sånn så har du det sånn.

Enig med den.

Det var skrevet mer som en helt vanlig historie som tilfeldigvis rimte.