Filantropens skrableri aka dikt tråd

[filantropen]

Hei hopp!

Tenkte eg for litt morro skulle legge ut eitpar av mine skrablerier for å sjå om eg fikk nokre kommentarer =)

This Heart Of Yours

Sometimes when i look at you

underneath all the smiles

i sense something profound inside of you

You're not even aware of it

in your eyes there's a deep pain

a pain that never really healed

when i find you alone,

swallowed by your own emotions

you almost uncover why

other times it just breaks through

and salty tears leaves your eyes

without you knowing why

once your heart was broken

i wish i could put my hand,

right there in your chest.

to feel your wounded heart

and mend the pain inside.

----------------------------------------

i see you laying there,

so innocent and unaware

when you peacefully sleep

i listen to your heartbeat

Raindrops hits the windowpane

this feeling of peace keeps me sane

At the break of dawn

i have vanished past the front lawn

when you open your eyes,

to a new day you will rise

so beautifull and unaware

not knowing i was just there

just remebering the scent of you

could make a dream feel so true

a world without you i cannot do

for a kiss from you there is nothn i wouldnt do

if you only knew, would stop me feeling blue

even if we are through, i will never forget you

-----------------------------------

My tears clenches to my blade, my life sings its final serenade.

Its cuts so deep through my skin, this cold feeling comes to me from within.

The green grass stained with blood and tears. I could not face my biggest fears

instead i chose deaths final embrace.

My cheek so pale and wet, soon my sun will be set.

My river runs red, soon this humen flesh will be dead

The wound so open and wide, I will join you at the other side

My love, there is no life without you, me and nothing to doo.

Now only emptiness,onyl half a soul without you my princess

The tide has come for me, taking me to thee.

My true love, my heavenly dove.

Together equal we where, without you nothing is here.

Only this fragile empty shell, and nothing more to tell.

True love is truly and deeply equal passion for each other.

Without one, there is no other.

----------------------------------

by the withered stone

underneath the tear stained grass

in a grave so dead and gone

lies the remains of what we had

a rose from my hand

falls to your grave

every solemn moment treasured

within my heart made of frailty

you where the one who challenged

all my hearts limits

our two souls bounded

in life and death's eternety

together we were not in vain

pieces of the life we had before

in our hearts will forever remain

[Gjest Gjest_Silje_*]

Vakre ord, som du har fått til å rime. Men eit dikt bør gjerne ha ei uventa vending på slutten. Gjerne ei slags punch line som oppsummerar diktet, eller endrar meininga totalt.

Også stussar eg litt over at du ikkje skriv norsk. Hadde sikkert hatt ein god verknad på heilheta; at det du vil seie vert meir personleg, verkar sterkare og meir ekte.

Keep 'em coming, though!

[filantropen]

Takker takker!

Ja dikt bør gjerne det, men eg sliter med endinger og slikt. Eg får rett og slett "levande bilder", der eg kan sjå for meg alle detaljer, kan kjenne vinden, kan høyre vinden som drar i greiner, eg føler alt som skjer. Når eg får dei bilda i hovudet, så prøver eg å sette ord på ting og tang. Så blir det knote arbeid med å få noko logisk ut av det.

Skriver på engelsk, fordi eg føler engelsk er mykje lettare å utfolde seg på. Norsk er så tungvint og det blir feil på en absurd måte.