am i being the asshole? boyfriend lets his mum pick out xmas gift for me

[AnonymBruker]

this is written in english because he is english and i want him to see other people opinons to this. if you answer in norwegian, im sure he can use google translate to get the jist out of it,
 

This is the first xmas we are gonna be together. we've been an item for one year soon, but know each other for nearly 10. this is a 26 year old man.this is a long distance relationship where we live in seperate countries, and he is coming here to stay with me, and one week we both go to my family for him to meet them for the first time.
 

He has never given me any gifts before, for any occasion- while Ive sendt him gifts several times.He has bought me some games from steam a couple of times, because he wants to play them himself.

We talked about xmas gifts 4-5 days ago, and i told him i wanted something nice and thoughtful.

the day after, or two days after he says he has found a gift for me, and that he thinks im going to like it because his mum likes it.this prompts me to ask if it was his mum looking the gift up for him, and him picking from something she had found, or the other way around. and he tells me it was his mum looking it up.
 

I tell him i dont want it then. and that if he cant be bothered to even look up something for me himself, then he shouldnt bother at all. i wanted something nice and thoughtful from him. not something his mum picked out cause he couldnt be bothered to take the time to look something up for me himself.
 

this makes him badmout me at work to his collegues, where he promptly tell me after im having a tantrum, im being hard work, im being ungrateful, and the nicest thing being said was from his mum "everyone has their flaws, and this is one of hers" yeah, he had to tell her, because apparantly she not only looks it up, shes the one who was gonna order it aswell so all he had to do was transfer money to her.obligation out of the way. i feel this is aggrivating.friend/ families and people close to you on a daily basis are biased when someone rants to them about their partner. they choose sides. he dosent air this to them to get inputs, he just wants nods and agreements telling him hes not the bad guy in this situation.

this is why im askin anonomysly on a forum.
 

this is a man who never tells me he loves me, misses me or anything like that. and it hurts. ive told him how it affects me never getting that from him,...and he says "thats just not him",..yet he has no problem with telling me all the negatives he and everyone else thinks about me. when we have arguments he belittles and ridicule over texts with "lols" w/e, smileyfaces tho show he really dosent give a shit, i say over text, cause we dont talk when there are issues,...he refuses to pick up calls and jsut stops answering.
 

we usually spend the afternoon together on discord and cam, playing games and watching movies and going to bed with it on. because, well,..we live in different countries.

but whenever we have arguments, he refuses to talk. dont answer messages/ refuses to pick up calls and goes "night", telling me he dosent want to watch or do anything together. this is something i find very hurtful, and told him several times yet he deliberatly does this because he knows it hurts.

Anonymkode: a6830...199

[AnonymBruker]

The gift, I would be fine with. So what if his mum picked it out. The whole "refuses to talk when we argue" thing, not so much. But I guess it depends on why you fight. If you ask more of him than he can give you (again, the gift, I dont see the problem, my man sucks at gifts himself, but he still loves me..) then maybe he is just fed up with the whole thing? Long distance is never easy.

Anonymkode: 4fc2b...a2c

[AnonymBruker]

Why are you staying in this relationship? He is mean to you. He actually sounds abusive. 

Anonymkode: 8aa43...585

[Pillarguri]

Are you sure this is the relationship you want for the rest of your life? I see a lot of red flags here 🚩🚩🚩. This is your first year together and he wont tell you that he loves you, even telling you that he miss you is too much. I suggest you think seriously about this relationship because it will never be better.

The thing with his mother and the christmas present is not a big deal. Some men are hopeless when they buy gifts, and his mother is probably a lot better to find the right gift for you.

[AnonymBruker]

I don't see the problem with him getting help from his mum buying you a gift. But it does sound like your communication is bad. Maybe it's a language barrier? It sounds like you are super upset right now. Maybe that effects your view of the situation? I somehow get a feeling that you or your boyfriend are not neurotypical? That could be a reason why you aren't communicating that well. If that's the case, it's help to get. But relationships that are neurodiverse usually need even more work than other relationships. Be clear with him. Tell him very clearly what you want from him and what you don't like and why. 

Anonymkode: 816c4...18b

[Gjest ElMona]

Some guys just don`t get the point of gifts. It`s not that we absolutely want "stuff" but we just want to see them make a tiny bit of effort. So of course its hurtful when they delegate a simple task like that.

[AnonymBruker]

Honestly, let him read this…

 

DUDE -RUN RUN RUN!! Norwegian women are fickle as fk and will ruin your life! 

Anonymkode: 58ff4...67e

[AnonymBruker]

And lord I wish my husband of 25 years would let his mum pick out my gifts sometimes! 

Anonymkode: 58ff4...67e