Emotional abuse. Please help

[tyrkiskangora]

please read this and help me figure out what im being exposed for. What kind of abuse is this.
 

I just experienced the most awful thing i think ive experienced. Me and my boyfriend were watching a movie and i wanted to have sex. He said we could have sex after the movie and i was like "okay". I always have to ask and normally he doesnt want to so in the long run it has made me kinda sad because i think he doesnt want to have sex with me. And then after the movie i went to bed. He came into the room and we started cuddling and then he started talking like his friend and asked me if i would have hd sex with him as a joke. I said "ew no please stop" while i was laughing along. He stopped and he started touching me and kissing my ears and my neck and then he said "call me ***" and his friends name. And he bursted out laughing. It made me very uncomfortable and sad and i told him that it made me "sad because i thought for a second u wanted me and then u just joked again". After that he started to take the joke too far. He changed accent, the vocabulary and asked me things like why i was hiding my pussy all of a sudden and asked me "did u hide it for me? Answer! Answer!" Till i had to answer, even tho i was crying. I asked him to stop and i multiple times said "please can you stop whatever you're doing. Please stop i dont like this". He didnt do anything sexually against my will but the whole thing was not okay with me. He didnt stop and when i cried he started laughing because I "fell for it". I fell for the joke. And then when i thought he was done because he said it was a joke, he continued. I said "please never do that to me again, i didnt find it funny". I thought he was done but he answered: "did what? Ive tried to have sex for an hour but you dont want to? I have just tried to cuddle you?" Thats when it had gone too far. I said "please stop. I know ur joking now but im starting to get crazy". He knows what i mean by crazy because i suffer from really bad anxiety and panic attacks and when i get misunderstood too much i panic and i hjrt myself by hitting myself because i blame myself. That comes from people blaming me for things i dont know why they're blaming me for so i start getting angry at myself and hit myself. He knew this. Also he knew how important to me it was to have sex with him because we dont have sex that often. So what he just did was blaming me for not getting sex when thats not what happened at all. This was a prt of his "joke". He was kind of playing a roleplay i was not a prt of at all. After i told him i started to go crazy, he didnt stop. I cried my eyes out and said "all i wanted to do was to have sex with you, and you're doing all this to me when i've clearly told you to stop multiple times." And he said "doing what? You're imaginaring things. Maybe you're having visions"

At this point i felt like i was having a blackout soon. My frustration and anger turned into reality and i was starting to think it was me that was crazy. I was thinking "normally he would have stopped when i cried. This must be real, he is being real. I am imaginering things" 

He continued this thing and we took it out to the living room where i was going in circles crying my eyes out and holding my hands in my hair. I was screaming and he didnt stop!! He continued. The neighbours started knocking on the wall because of my screams and he still didnt continue. Normally he freaks out when the neighbours knocks and he tells me to shut up. This time he didnt. I thought a second time that he must be 100% real, he would have stopped. Then i smashed a glass bottle in my head three times till it broke and screamed "STOP FOR FUCKS SAKE". He finally stopped and told me he was only joking and that he thought i was a part of the joke. Its not the first time something like this has happened but not this bad. This time i told him i did not want to be next to him or sleep next to him and that i didnt want to talk to him. I said that the joke is only a joke if both parts laugh and i said that he should have stopped when i first cried. He is saying that he was planning to have sex with me but he just wanted to joke with me first. I dont know what this kind of emotionally abuse is called and i have tried to google similar stories but havent found anything. Had anyone experienced the same thing? I am fully aware that this is sick. I told him this is sick and that its the worst thing anyone has ever done to me. I told him i started to go manic, and that its emotionally abuse. He just said that i make him sound sick when i put it like that. Let me tell you its not the first time he is being emotionally abusive to me or have manpiulated me and  really taken advantage of my emotions, so i know for sure that this is not something i am just "exaggerating" or putting in a sick way. I had to break a glass bottle in my head for him to stop the "joke" and i know by that that this cant be called a joke. Normally i forget and forgive things and dont talk about it. This i had to write down to be sure to not forget. I just wish it was a word for this type of abuse. 

[M Mads]

Massage me, i know what he is thinking and why he is acting like that. 
 

had the same experience with my girlfriend

[AnonymBruker]

This story gave me chills down my back. I don't know what this kind of abuse is called, but it is definitely abuse. You need to get away from this guy, do you have someone you can stay with? 

Anonymkode: 5ae0e...519

[AnonymBruker]

It doesnt matter what this abuse is called, what matters is that YOU need to find a friend or some amily and stay with them and later on get away from this idiot. 

Anonymkode: e949c...51e

[CorvusCorax]

Hm...

Are you two from the same country? speak the same language fluently? Just wondering if it can be a language barrier or if it's just plain gaslighting. 

Because that's what he does when he as an example says "you're imagining things" . Making you feel even more crazy. Have he joked in this way before and know that you get upset? You write that he knows what it means when you say you're going "crazy". 

The word you're looking for is gaslighting and manipulation. And it made me real sad reading this. He is abusing you and you should end this relationship now. He is either sadistic or suffers from a mental disability, because "normal" people know when to stop - and "normal" people with emotional intelligence would understand that you're upset when you're bawling your eyes out.

Have you been together for a while? Has he changed? 

I get the impression that he is either mad at you - wanting to hurt you for something (he thinks) you've done wrong - or he tries to drive you insane wanting you to end the relationship - or he is a total psycho who thinks hurting you is fun. 

He's holding back sex because he knows you want it and that you need affection. He is messing with your head for some insane reason. 

You need to end this now. It will get worse. 

[NenehGoji]

You've got to get out of there !!!

I've been there myself in the past (more than once sadly)

Do you have friends you trust (that are not his friends) or family? You should contact somebody you trust and tell all of this. You could also contact the crisis center in your area or the police.

It seems like you live with him? You should get an overview of your most important things, like papers, passport, computer and so on, so that they are easy to find when you go. But don't make it obvious, he doesn't need to find out too much, because then he will drag you in to his salad of words and confusion again, he might also try to hide your stuff. Just know where everything is, contact somebody and get help, and get them be by your side when you leave. You can also ask the police for this, he won't dare to do anything with them around. Go somewhere safe, an adress he doesn't know about.

I feel for you, it's horrible to end up in a "relationship" with theese devilish and damaged people

Stay strong, stay safe

You can also contact me in the inbox if you want, and I can try to help as much as I can!

Endret 30. mars 2021 av NenehGoji

[Gjest Nala79]

I felt your fear! 

Dear, you need to get away. Either he is psycotic, or he is gaslighting you, making you believe you are going crazy -when he's The only one playing crazy tricks on you. Either way, you need to go! 😱

Could be a third thing tho... Could be he's getting like a sort of dementia/ some brain-sickness that makes him a different person, but then again, he seems to know what he's doing, since he calles it a "joke".. 🤔

Pleeease leave him! Thats so sick, so destorted, so.. mean! 

[tyrkiskangora]

CorvusCorax skrev (4 timer siden):

Hm...

Are you two from the same country? speak the same language fluently? Just wondering if it can be a language barrier or if it's just plain gaslighting. 

Because that's what he does when he as an example says "you're imagining things" . Making you feel even more crazy. Have he joked in this way before and know that you get upset? You write that he knows what it means when you say you're going "crazy". 

The word you're looking for is gaslighting and manipulation. And it made me real sad reading this. He is abusing you and you should end this relationship now. He is either sadistic or suffers from a mental disability, because "normal" people know when to stop - and "normal" people with emotional intelligence would understand that you're upset when you're bawling your eyes out.

Have you been together for a while? Has he changed? 

I get the impression that he is either mad at you - wanting to hurt you for something (he thinks) you've done wrong - or he tries to drive you insane wanting you to end the relationship - or he is a total psycho who thinks hurting you is fun. 

He's holding back sex because he knows you want it and that you need affection. He is messing with your head for some insane reason. 

You need to end this now. It will get worse. 

Yes we both speak the same language and he is only 3 years older than me. We have been together for a year and he has done small things to change but only in times when he was desperate because i was leaving. He promised to change and i gave him chances and he has changed a bit but not enough to make him a good person

Endret 30. mars 2021 av tyrkiskangora

[CorvusCorax]

tyrkiskangora skrev (1 minutt siden):

Yes we both speak the same language and he is only 3 years older than me. 

The way he treats you are disturbing. And I really really hope you leave him. Sooner than later. 

[AnonymBruker]

There’s a Word to describe his behaviour, namely gaslighting. 

Anonymkode: 9e5fb...db1

[AnonymBruker]

Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that's seen in abusive relationships. It's the act of manipulating a person by forcing them to question their thoughts, memories, and the events occurring around them. A victim of gaslighting can be pushed so far that they question their own sanity.

Anonymkode: 9e5fb...db1

[tyrkiskangora]

We both are norwegian and live together in norway, i just prefer writing in english because i studied in england and my best friend is english so i wanted her to understand the comments too because she is helping me

[AnonymBruker]

tyrkiskangora skrev (20 minutter siden):

We both are norwegian and live together in norway, i just prefer writing in english because i studied in england and my best friend is english so i wanted her to understand the comments too because she is helping me

Norsk som foretrekker å skrive på engelsk på et norsk forum?? Smells like a big fat TROLL!  

Anonymkode: 9df67...326

[Gjest NoDiablo]

Yep, this is gaslighting for sure. Get our of there. Pronto!

[Troyamin]

tyrkiskangora skrev (7 minutter siden):

We both are norwegian and live together in norway, i just prefer writing in english because i studied in england and my best friend is english so i wanted her to understand the comments too because she is helping me

Hæ?!! 

[tyrkiskangora]

AnonymBruker skrev (15 minutter siden):

Norsk som foretrekker å skrive på engelsk på et norsk forum?? Smells like a big fat TROLL!  

Anonymkode: 9df67...326

Okei. Si hva du vil. Trenger ikke enda fler som mener jeg er en tulling.

[tyrkiskangora]

I am already in touch with the crisis center but i find it really hard to talk to anyone about because i am ashamed of finding it difficult to leave. I am going to tell my aunt who lives in the same town, but i needed to get it out first. The police i cant involve. Did it once and it didnt age well, and i cant go through it again. He knows exactly what to say to make it sound like im the crazy one, and because of my mental illness he would have won the thing. I didnt have a mental illness before i met him.

[AnonymBruker]

Well, sadly noone is ever going to believe you, unless you find a skilled therapist. I asked for help myself, and I ended up with an asperger diagnosis. Of course I believed that, because everything is my fault, right?  Now that my mind is clearer, it’s obvious to me that this diagnosis is wrong, and that I probably have cptsd instead. Such people are extremely manipulative. He does something stupid, then blames me for it, and everyone believes him because he is such a good guy.

Anonymkode: 9e5fb...db1