ENGELSK : hard start på forholdet med kjæreste 21

[AnonymBruker]

Background story:

Me and my girlfriend met September 2019 at a party because we started at the same class at the same university. At this party we were together with a lot of people from our class.  We talked and so on. The next weeks we talked more and more on snapchat and hit it off. I said i liked her and she really liked me back, but every time we were supposed to meet I didn’t answer the phone and sometimes i didn’t show up. I know it was really awful and mean and I regret it so much. She still liked me and i also liked her but she ended up stopped talking to me a couple of times because of what i was doing. I totally understand that. I still wrote to her every time she would stop answering, and told her that i liked her and she really liked me to she said.

Now its October and I’m out drinking and ends up sleeping with her coworker. 2 days later i asks if my now girlfriend wants to come over and sleep here. She says yes and she comes. We talk some more on snapchat the later days flirting etc. She wants to hang out some more but i really didnt want a relationship at this point because my ex broke up with me (after cheating on me) for some months ago and i just didn’t want a new relationship at this point in life.

Some more weeks goes and i ask my now gf to meet me when we are out drinking and she asks if she can sleep over, I tell her yes and; She leaves her party and her friends and walks alone to meet me, when we meet up i change my mind and tells her no, because i feel like its starting to become a relationship than, and i say the reason is im not over my ex, but i just didnt want a new gf now. Because of this she also lost her ride home and were stuck in the city. She becomes very very sad, says that she understands and that she does not want to be in touch anymore, and then blocks me on social media etc, i understand that ofc.

The morning after I spam her on every other platform, and I tell her I didn’t mean what I said yesterday, I was just so drunk when I wrote it and that im over my ex and I like her very much and that I wanted to get to know her better. After that she believes me and we slowly start chatting again, i tell her i still like her ofc and she deeply likes me back. We talk a lot back and forth, didnt meet in real life for a while except at school and parties ,where we go in the same class and have many of the same friends. After this we are again at the same party where she talked friendly to a guy which I saw and showed her I was jealous and got mad.  

Some weeks go by and im out drinking and I make out with a girl she knows, at this point me and my now gf were not talking for some days because I did something stupid like cancel our plan or something like that which made her very sad, cant remember what it was but she had every reason too. This friend of her finds out that my now GF has a “thing” with me tells her. My now gf send me a massage the next morning; so this is what you are doing when your out drinking". I respond mean and says; i guess it is. Dick move I know . ME and this girl talks and flirts online and agree to meet up soon, but we did not meet anytime. After I send that massage she didn’t respond and finally understanded that I don’t like her and that she have waited for me to be ready while I send her mixed signales for months now. She understand that I have lied to her and what she thought we had, was nothing.

A month go by without talking except when i said happy holidays to her on xmas because i wanted to be nice.

Its januar and i decide that im ready for a relationship and that I truly like this girl, she is perfect and i was stupid to not just grab her while i could at the start. i send her a long massage that Im very sorry for what I have done and this time I really really mean it. I ask if I can pick her up after work to drive her home and talk for a while; She is still very sad and hurt by what I have done earlier and are not sure if she wants to say yes or no because she has been hurt and tricked by this so many times before now. We do not talk about what happened in the past, we just talk about funny things and having a laugh and we talk nonstop and really connect in the car were we sit for hours after we got to her apartment.  I’m very happy.

We start going out, meeting chatting and falling in love for the next week, at this point i still got a pic of my ex girlfriend and me kissing on my IG, she comments it and makes signals for me to delete it, i dont pick them up because im stupid and I tell her it is because I don’t know if im over my ex.  But i end up deleting it after maybe 1 week or so  which ineeed is really bad.

Some time go by and she starts bringing up things that i did last year to her, every mean thing i did and eveyrtime i said i liked her but still treated her bad, hooked up/ flirted with others and slept with her colleague and still lied and gave her fake hope. She says this is bothering her very very much and she feels disgusted and sad.

We both hope life will run its cours and that time will heal it. Some more months passes by. We have a special connection and we really feel like we really are meant together, we share the same opinions, hobbies, interests, future dreams about our family and so on, just about everything under the sun is perfect when we are together. We are eachothers best friends and share everything with eachother. We are the perfect match, we both know so and say so all the time. We would chose hanging out together over hanging out with anyone else. We basically live together, we are together everyday and truly enjoyes it. We do everything together, we do not let eachother out of sight for a single moment because we are afraid we are gonna miss something funny the other one is doing. WE love eachother so much and we know we are never ever gonna find a better match, its so perfect, and other people tell us that to.  and its still a problem, we talk about it and try to figure out what to do. But the past is still bothering her and she says she cant live like this, and I understand her POV and i want to fix it, but i dont know what or how.

 

Im treating her in the best way now and do everything for her, but she still feels like a “last choice” and that she is “little worth”. And she dont really feel comfortable that i treated her so bad in the beginning, the pic about my ex, the coworker and her friends friend in december. I totally understand, but we are truly in love and enjoy and we both want to work on fixing this.

She says she loves me but cant live like this with this things bothering her and the low self worth she has now because of me. It comes up maybe 1 or 2 times a week and lately even more. We both know if we fix this we can keep living the wonderful life and moments that we have experienced, without the effect of what I have done. I need to fix this, she is sad and at the edge of leaviing, but she cant because we are so in love and the best possible match ever. If it wasnt for the past...

So im here begging for your help and advice on how to fix it, it would mean the world for both of us if someone could help us out in some way. Every tip and advice is deelpy appreciated. Thanks for hearing me out and thank you if you take your time to answer and help. Its been 11 months now.

Anonymkode: 450d9...58f

[AnonymBruker]

I'm guessing time is your best friend. I don't think there's anything you can do to make her believe that you want just her. You have to spend time together, treat her well, and eventually, hopefully she'll believe it and trust you. 

Good luck

Anonymkode: db44d...c19

[Tanuki]

You're a mess and very manipulative. Let that poor girl go. In short, YTA.

[Carrot]

Whats your shit really? If I was her friend Id tell her to get as far away from you as possible, so why would I help you mess her up even more? 

Get your act together, be a better person and maybe that will let her see you can be trusted? 

[AnonymBruker]

I understand your gf. You acted very bad and immature. I hope she leaves you and find someone that treats her better. If you really liked her from the beginning you would not play with her feelings all the time. I really admire her that she continued to see you even after all the things you did to her, if I was her I would never run after you. 

Anonymkode: 58896...72a

[AnonymBruker]

If you really love her, you should break up and leave her FOR GOOD, so she can find someone who treats her well!

Anonymkode: afc7b...a2f

[AnonymBruker]

Yeah I don't think this is gonna work out. This reminds me of my relationship with my ex. He fucked around on me for almost a year before be decided he wanted to be with me. I told him so many times to just leave me alone if he didn't love me or didn't want a relationship with me. When he finally did that I was so happy, but as time went on I kept remembering how he used to treat me and I could not for the life of me trust him at all. I was miserable for like 3 years before I finally realized this was something I couldn't just forget. I really loved him and to some extent I still do, but we can never be together because there is no trust. I didn't trust that he wouldn't just change his mind again like he did a 100 times before. I didn't trust that he loved me because be said that before and then went to sleep with someone else.

I think some people are better at forgiving and fortetting than others. I thought I was one of those people, but I have realized I am not. When someone hurts me this deeply, the hurt and broken trust doesn't go away. Maybe she is the same way. I don't think it's fair for either of you to stay in this relationship that is causing you both so much pain. Maybe now is not the right time, maybe you both need to heal yourselves before you can be together. Or maybe it's never the right time and it's just not ment to be. I hope you take the time to reflect on yourself, your actions and intentions. 

Anonymkode: 63a7c...abe